Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Why I Believe series (part three)

I always found being a Christian much harder in the UK than in Nigeria. For one, as a young adult, I didn't want to be seen as different; I was different enough in a foreign country. I joined a Church in Bath where I believe I saw the true meaning of love and acceptance. I was encouraged that I could do whatever I wanted to do and I didn't need to have any special qualifications. I always wanted to play the guitar, so I learnt. And they let me lead worship on Sundays. But, things were still tough and there were times I felt I wasn't good enough. I messed up a lot of times. My church family accepted me but I didn't know if God did. I mean, I knew it in my head, but not in my heart. I'd always prided myself in being the 'good girl'- at home, school, everywhere. But deep down, I felt like a phoney. I wasn't happy. And I think I made the people around me unhappy. I remember my sister once saying she felt like she was walking on eggshells around me. 

One day I went to church for an evening service and the pastor asked people to come up for prayer. I was desperate for something, but I didn't know what. I went up anyway. The pastor held my hand and said a few words. He didn't pray. Well, not like I expected him to. He just asked the Holy Spirit to come. The next thing I remember, my knees gave way and I was on the floor. I cried. A lot. But it didn't feel weird, or scary. I was a bit embarrassed at crying so much in public but it was a great release. I felt an amazing peace. Afterwards, I knew my life would never be the same.