I'm not disillusioned about marriage. I know that it's not a bed of roses. I know you have to work at it to make it work. Despite all these, I still sometimes struggle to come up with good reasons to get married. Don't get me wrong, I do want to spend my life with someone I love, have kids, build a family, etc, etc and I think that's what God wants for most of us, but I've seen a lot of things in the past few months that just make me wonder.
To start off, a few weeks ago, I read someone's post on facebook titled 'why men cheat' (or something along those lines) and it made for very interesting reading. The conclusion was that every man, given the right circumstances would cheat on his wife/partner. Obviously it caused a bit of an uproar, (mostly amongst women, I should add) and even though I wanted to put down my own thoughts on the matter, for once I decided to leave it for a bit and have a think. In the end, I came to my own conclusion. The writer of that piece was kinda right. Every man, given the right circumstances would cheat. But does it really stop there? Surely, everyone, given the right circumstances would do something they wouldn't usually do. But, I must add, only if we believe that we have no control over certain things that we do. Let me explain further- the August London riots is a good example. People, including some normally law-abiding citizens saw a perfect opportunity to steal and they did just that. It proves the article's point, doesn't it? But do we actually have more control over ourselves than we'd like to admit even to ourselves? Still on the London riots- not everyone grabbed clothes and shoes, even though it was right there and they probably wouldn't have been caught. Yes, some people were probably scared of getting caught, but I'd also like to think that some people decided that doing what is right was far more important than getting a few new items of clothing.
Even though I've heard the views of the writer of that note from different people in the past, I can't help but wonder whether it's not some kind of excuse for certain men to fall back on when they give in to a moment (or two) of weakness. Just because you have the ability to do something doesn't mean that you would. Not if you claim to love someone. Not if you took a vow. Not if your life is sold out to Someone higher. And definitely not if you put measures in place to prevent it from happening. Here's a thought- surely if you think yourself unable to resist a certain type of temptation, you've pretty much fallen already. Isn't it just a matter of time? Now, I'm not naive, I don't live in fantasy land, and I'm actually not as optimistic as I think I should be about certain things, but I cannot get my head around the conclusion of that facebook note. If indeed that conclusion is true, what are women supposed to do? Resign themselves to the fact that they will one day be cheated upon- a matter of when, not even if? If that is the case, then seriously, why bother?
The other thing I can't get my head around is physical violence in relationships. And why people stay. This completely freaks me out, but we'll talk about it some other day...