I know it's been a while folks, but life has not given me a breather for a while now; hopefully I'll be able to blog about that at some point. As I'm kinda lacking inspiration these day with my writing, I fished out something I wrote a while ago and decided to post it. Hope you like it, and of course feel free to let me know what you think!
I lay in bed thinking about how to end the relationship. What exactly would I say to him? I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I was tired of saying the same things over and over again. I tried the following sentences in my head...
‘You don’t call me regularly. You say you’ll call but you don’t. When you do, you seem distracted, like you’d rather be doing something else.’
‘Sometimes you call for a few minutes in the morning and just as I’m getting into the conversation, you suddenly have to go.’
‘You call me late at night, just before you go to bed. What’s the point; you’re way too tired to have a decent conversation and within five minutes you’re already yawning.’
‘Football is way more important to you than I am...I know not to expect a phone call or have a meaningful conversation with you if a match is on.’
‘I wait all day for a phone call from you and when it finally comes, you don’t seem to have much to say!’
‘You hardly ask me anything deep or intimate. How are we supposed to get to know each other?’
‘You say you care about me and want us to work but sometimes I feel like it’s just words; your actions say otherwise.’
As I pondered all these thoughts, I suddenly realised that God could be saying these exact words to me!
‘You hardly ever pray these days. You promise me you’ll improve and we’ll spend more time together but when you finally settle down to talk to me, you seem distracted; there’s so much other stuff going on in your mind.’
‘You pray for a few minutes in the morning and I don’t hear from you again till last thing at night when you’re too tired to say anything meaningful.’
‘Everything else seems more important to you than I Am. How else can you explain excusing yourself if the phone rings, or deciding to watch that TV programme when we could be spending time together?’
‘I wait and wait all day long just to hear your voice. When you finally remember me, our conversation lasts only a few minutes, with you doing all the talking!’
‘I want to get deeper and more intimate with you; I want to hear about your day, your thoughts, your fears and your concerns. I want you to know me more.’
‘You say you love me; that’s all you sing about on Sundays, but they’re just words to me.’
Can you relate? As these thoughts went through my head, I realised how God must feel when I go sometimes for days without spending any quality time with Him. And He’s supposed to be number one in my life! I went to bed that night feeling very angry at Mr. Right?, but I realised that I was doing the very same thing to my First Love. Thank God for second chances.