It's been an interesting week. Being a female (or should I say human?) can be challenging at times. The emotional roller-coaster is not something I enjoy and I must say I can't wait to get to Heaven. For real. There was a time I never used to cry. I guess I thought it was childish; I'd always been the one people looked up to, and when you have four younger siblings, it is easy to think that you need to be strong and mature all the time. Over the past few years, I've come to learn that there's nothing wrong with crying. It's not a weakness. I mean, Jesus Himself cried at one point so why can't I, right? Anyway, I'm glad that I've finally come to the point where I'm comfortable with being emotional (when appropriate, of course). The thing though, is that most of the time I still like to be in control but sometimes even though I don't want to get emotional, I can't help myself. It can be annoying, but it can also be liberating. One annoying time was when I got really upset that my baby sister was leaving for university. We'd spent the whole summer together and when she left, I was beside myself. I felt kinda silly because it wasn't like something tragic had happened, and I could go visit her whenever I wanted to. I still found myself getting upset even though I didn't want to.
A couple of other examples come to mind. I was in church the other day, and the speaker asked those that had been trying for a baby to stand up, and as I turned around and saw all these couples standing, for some weird reason, I was moved. I don't know why, because I've seen people suffer before and it's had little effect on me. Seriously, I could be consoling someone and not feel a thing. But this day was different; my heart went out to all these couples, and even though I couldn't say I knew exactly how they were feeling, I was moved to tears as I prayed for them. I was surprised. I guess God's doing something special with this heart of mine.
The other occasion happened recently. In my previous post I mentioned that I'm waiting on God for some stuff, and even though I'm OK with waiting, sometimes I find that it's really hard doing so. The other day, I really needed to talk to someone, so I called one of my mentors. She's an older lady with so much wisdom and down-to-earth-ness about her that I knew she'd be of help somehow. Once she heard my voice, she knew. As I started sharing stuff with her, the tears started coming. I'd been feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and I'm learning that talking things through with a patient listener can do wonders for the soul. So I cried, but I didn't feel embarrassed. Instead, I felt good. It was a great release. She gave me some fab advice as well, which I'm already putting into action. You know somewhere in the Bible it talks about a broken and contrite spirit being the sacrifice God accepts. I think that means a lot of things but for me I'm learning that it's also about being vulnerable and open, especially before God. You were not made to be super-human. It's OK to cry sometimes.