Friday, 8 July 2011

It's OK to cry...

It's been an interesting week. Being a female (or should I say human?) can be challenging at times. The emotional roller-coaster is not something I enjoy and I must say I can't wait to get to Heaven. For real. There was a time I never used to cry. I guess I thought it was childish; I'd always been the one people looked up to, and when you have four younger siblings, it is easy to think that you need to be strong and mature all the time. Over the past few years, I've come to learn that there's nothing wrong with crying. It's not a weakness. I mean, Jesus Himself cried at one point so why can't I, right? Anyway, I'm glad that I've finally come to the point where I'm comfortable with being emotional (when appropriate, of course). The thing though, is that most of the time I still like to be in control but sometimes even though I don't want to get emotional, I can't help myself. It can be annoying, but it can also be liberating. One annoying time was when I got really upset that my baby sister was leaving for university. We'd spent the whole summer together and when she left, I was beside myself. I felt kinda silly because it wasn't like something tragic had happened, and I could go visit her whenever I wanted to. I still found myself getting upset even though I didn't want to.

A couple of other examples come to mind. I was in church the other day, and the speaker asked those that had been trying for a baby to stand up, and as I turned around and saw all these couples standing, for some weird reason, I was moved. I don't know why, because I've seen people suffer before and it's had little effect on me. Seriously, I could be consoling someone and not feel a thing. But this day was different; my heart went out to all these couples, and even though I couldn't say I knew exactly how they were feeling, I was moved to tears as I prayed for them. I was surprised. I guess God's doing something special with this heart of mine.

The other occasion happened recently. In my previous post I mentioned that I'm waiting on God for some stuff, and even though I'm OK with waiting, sometimes I find that it's really hard doing so. The other day, I really needed to talk to someone, so I called one of my mentors. She's an older lady with so much wisdom and down-to-earth-ness about her that I knew she'd be of help somehow. Once she heard my voice, she knew. As I started sharing stuff with her, the tears started coming. I'd been feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and I'm learning that talking things through with a patient listener can do wonders for the soul. So I cried, but I didn't feel embarrassed. Instead, I felt good. It was a great release. She gave me some fab advice as well, which I'm already putting into action. You know somewhere in the Bible it talks about a broken and contrite spirit being the sacrifice God accepts. I think that means a lot of things but for me I'm learning that it's also about being vulnerable and open, especially before God. You were not made to be super-human. It's OK to cry sometimes.

5 comments:

  1. it could be that you are responding to recent events in your life. I think that these days are crucial and important to you in the sense that you have recently come through a lot. Think about your new found level of openness and the new way in which things are happening around you and in your family. These are some examples of personal events that could trigger an emotionally charged state of mind which could go on for months to come. I have to say that I am very pleased with the way you express yourself and try to captivate the attention of your reader and share your personal experiences with the rest of the world. I know that it is not considered very manly to cry, but things are changing and recently, men are finding that being emotional has benefits becos of the level of connection that can be achieved with another person. I think that you are discovering a new level of emotional capacity and ability which you didnt know you already had.

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  2. Kebillah, I think you hit the nail on the head; so much has happened in the past few months that I think my body is still in the process of re-adjusting! I love what you said about the level of connection that can be achieved when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with someone else; it can be so liberating!

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  3. I have been down this lane.. I am so used to always being in control and always trying to do things my way and alot of times it has worked for me but i've had to struggle to get it to work. Until last year when i completely broke down before God and wept like a child who'd been given a beaten! I had had enough of myself, enough of being superwoman and enough of my own wisdom. And that scripture of having a broken heart and a contrite spirit was the word which God used to remind me of His expectations in terms of me putting my trust in Him and not on myself. Its very good to cry if anything, it opens the windows of heaven and its in our tears that God strengthens us the most. I hope you find peace and strength in whatever you're waiting on God for.

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  4. Just like you, I tend to be the one people lean on and so I haven't always been an emotional person at all. But I have found out that it is okay to be. It is not a sign of weakness, but it matters who you allow yourself to be vulnerable with. Of course, you can be vulnerable in God's presence since HE loves you unconditionally, but having a confidante, a physical person you can actually see also helps. So I would say embrace this part of yourself. It's a journey of self-discovery you are on. Enjoy the ride!

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  5. Thanks Chinny; Indeed I find that every time I allow myself to be broken and vulnerable before God, He gives me an amazing peace and it feels good to know that there is Someone much bigger than me that can handle things in a way I never could.

    Relentless!It's definitely a journey of self-discovery, and I'm learning to embrace it, albeit slowly! His grace is sufficient! Thanks!

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