Saturday, 19 March 2011

Still a virgin? Super-freak you!

Picture taken from I chose it because
 Patrick Dempsey is hot.
So, I just finished watching an episode of Grey's anatomy, 'Superfreak' to be exact. It was fab. I love Grey's anatomy; at one time it was just because they were using one of my favourite songs as their theme song but then I watched a few episodes and thought, 'wow, this is pretty good!'. Plus it's a great way to learn about the human body without being a doctor. Anyway, my love for Grey's is not what this is about. One of the story-lines in this episode was about a 27-year-old virgin, who was having difficulties breathing. Turns out she had something stuck in her breathing apparatus; you need to watch it to see what it was. Riveting stuff. Anyway, the buzz the virgin patient creates gets everyone reminiscing about their first time. One of the doctors, April, doesn't say much, because she’s a virgin, too. When asked for a contribution to the discussion, she makes up a story about her first time being on the beach with the sunset, fireworks and all. The others think this sounds too good to be true and soon figure out that she's a virgin. They go on to tease her about it, and when she's had enough, she speaks up to defend herself. But what she goes on to say, I find somewhat disheartening.

Apparently she decided not to have sex because she was waiting for the right person and she wanted it to be special. But then she realised that she'd waited too long and no guy would probably even want to be with her because of her apparent weird and annoying nature. She also adds that she doesn’t think her sex life (or lack of one) should be up for public discussion. It was a really well-acted scene, I must say. But it made me think, as most things do; what kind of messed-up world must we live in for one to be embarrassed about having morals? Or be ridiculed for it? Or for it to be something that we 'don't talk about'?

Having counselled numerous teenagers seeking the 'morning-after pill', 'waiting for the right person' and 'wanting it to be special' both sound like good ideas to me. Sometimes I look at these young girls (I feel so old around teenagers) and in my head I'm thinking, 'do you even know what you're doing?' The consequences of premarital sex don't just stop at the possibility of getting pregnant or catching a deadly disease. Watching the other doctors teasing April, I couldn't help but wonder how many of them (if they were to be honest) regretted the person they had had sex with; one of them couldn't even remember their name! I know it's only a series but the reality is that this storyline actually reflects the current situation a lot clearer than probably even the writers realise.

So whilst I can understand April's trepidation at revealing that she's 28 and still a virgin, I really wish she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed about it. I wish she didn't just say 'we all have things we don't talk about'. I wish instead she said something like 'I'm a virgin, so what? At least I don't have to live with the regret that I gave a most precious gift to a random guy whose name I don't even remember!' or something along those lines. I wish more people in the world would stand up for what they believe is right without any shame or fear of rejection. She did give them an earful though, but I still wish...


  1. There is a perversion I have grown up to know. The things that used to be right then have now become the wrong things.
    Your husband had to see blood on the bed the first night or he calls back for his money & sends the girl back to where-ever she came from. But now, at the mention of 'am a virgin'-you must be weird & nobody wants you around,even to your female friends. A friend said her doctor told her to go disvirgin so that she could control the acne on her face. Another said they told her to go disvirgin so that she does not suffer from fibroid later in life. These are all strange & lies from the pit of hell-I must confess. Or are they not?
    Thank God 4 some groups that have come up supporting virginity. But we cant leave the work to a little few. Lets all stand up & preach what should be.
    As many that comes across this & believes in it, please ENCOURAGE A VIRGIN TODAY-TELL HER ITS THE BEST DECISION SHE COULD EVER MAKE.
    You dont know how precious a thing is until you loose

  2. hehe Lekan, I love your 'Encourage a virgin today' idea! ;) Yes, it is so true that you don't know how precious something is till you lose it! The mindset of the world today is completely different from what it was only a few generations ago. Whilst that is a good thing in some areas, it also means that some things that were once thought of as treasures are no longer seen in that light...and some things that were unheard of before are now the norm. God help us all.

  3. Lovley write up Renny :-)

    I was in Nigeria last year for a month. It was interesting to chill out with young Nigerian men and women and here the way they referred to sex and relationships. It does leave you feeling puzzled at how they came to think giving your virginty to a guy who does not give a penny about you, is some what cool or non important.

    Many of the ladies also had the idea that if they were virgin's they couldn't get a guy. I laughed in shock horror. Who is feeding these women lies, it leaves me grieved and frustrated.

    Regardless of what the media tries to portray, many young men and women have decided to give their virginity to the husband and wife God brings to them. Instead of the first Fola or Bimbo that says "I love you".

    Continue to speak the truth of the gospel my dear sister. Hopefully people will see the truth about sex rather than relying on what they watch on TV.

    lots of love


  4. Thank you Butterflydiaries! Yes, unfortunately not many people believe in the sacredness of sex anymore or even in waiting. The western culture does not portray sex as anything special, or worth waiting for the right person, (let alone marriage) for. It's clear the devastating effects this is having- check out the alarming rates of teen pregnancies!

    This mindset also exists in Africa; like you, I've spoken to a few Nigerian guys and girls and it still seems like 'waiting' is more the exception rather than the rule. I think it is also a lot to do with self esteem. If a girl values herself and sees herself like her creator does, then she won't go giving herself away to any Tom, Dick or Harry that pops along, even if he promises her the world. In my opinion, if he can't wait, he should go fish somewhere else! thanks for stoping by!x

  5. Gwaaakk, I just wrote an epistle and I lost it in the stupidity of 'forward and back' browser buttons.

    Nice article.

    Nice Music too :).

    The world we live in, common=right. It doesn't matter how often sensible ones' argument(against that norm) is.

    It doesn't help when people are taught to be virgins but the core value in virginity is not taught or so evident. Leaves you giving 'near excuses' for something that should be of virtue.

    Some issues that come up:
    How do you get to the point of seeing your virginity as your most 'precious gift'?
    Why is the issue of virginity associated with the females of our kind... and guys are not really expected to value it as much?
    Say, you are not a virgin anymore, Can/should the giving of ones' self be any less special?

    and finally, and most importantly, where is your play list? I love your musical selection.

  6. First of all, I love you ‘icy-hot blackbox’! (in a blogger friendship kind of way, obviously) and your name is very cool too.

    Secondly, stupid, stupid ‘forward and back’ browser buttons indeed! You know what I do these days, I actually type up my comments as a word document first before copying and pasting. Some might think this is weird but if you knew how many times I’ve had to retype things, you’d understand.

    Thirdly, and most importantly of course, thanks for appreciating my music. It is the best. It’s just a mix of stuff I like; I have a profile on (click on the link below the mini-pod thingy- Uebillah is the name) and that is where my playlist is. I hope to add some more songs soon; there is a song I absolutely adore, but the MixPod people can’t seem to find it. It is driving me crazy.

    So, yes I agree that in our world, common=right. For some reason we seem to believe that if everyone is doing it (pun not intended), it must be right, or at least OK. It is always more difficult to go against the flow/tide/crowd. (I know a joke about this but I won’t tell it here). I will now proceed to attempt to answer your questions.

    1.) I completely know what you mean about not being taught the core value in virginity. When I was growing up, most people said ‘keep it for your husband, he’ll appreciate it and cherish you for it’, others said ‘don’t have sex, and you won’t get pregnant or catch AIDS’. Now I’ve grown up, I realise that those two persuasions, though admirable, do not deter people. What if my husband doesn’t appreciate it after all? (I’ve heard some men say they could never marry a virgin because she wouldn’t know how to ‘please’ them!) And of course thanks to condoms and other ‘safe sex’ methods, any sensible sexually active person doesn’t really have to worry about pregnancy or STDs.

    I don’t think your reason for remaining a virgin should be solely to please your future husband; there should be other more compelling reasons. However, I do believe that your virginity is the most precious gift you could give to your husband. This is because he’s going somewhere no other man has been before. It makes him feel special. Men like to feel special.

  7. In addition, I believe you can only see your virginity as something of value if you see sex as something beyond the physical. The Bible talks about being 'one' with the person you have sex with. Sex is a spiritual act; humans are spiritual beings. Many people today don’t realise that when they sleep with someone that is not their spouse, they’re actually becoming one with that person (this is the reason I believe it is a lot more difficult to move on after a break-up with someone you usually have sex with than with someone with whom you never did- there is an invisible bond that holds the two of you together). Another reason why sex is precious; if I’m going to be ‘one’ with someone, I’d like it to be someone I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life with.

    So, for me as a Christian, I realise that yes my body belongs to me in a sense (so I can do whatever I want with it) but it also belongs to God, so what I do with it matters. The Bible talks about God’s Spirit dwelling in our bodies and stuff, but I won’t go into that here, but I believe that any spiritual activity I undertake (sex included) affects my relationship with God.

    2.) Even though the issue of virginity is mainly associated with females, I still believe it is very possible for men to remain virgins till they are married. Again, the world we live in has made it seem like it is impossible (and even insane) for guys to wait, but this is definitely not true. I think the reason men are not expected to value it as much is because they are wired so differently from us; they think about sex A LOT, so it is usually more difficult (but by no means impossible) for them to wait.

    3.) Lastly, sex before marriage is a sin in God’s eyes, but what we Christians sometimes forget is that sin is sin. Premarital sex is no worse than lying, or stealing, or gossiping. It is all sin to God. So, just as when we do wrong, we ask God for forgiveness and He wipes the slate clean, when we’ve given ourselves to someone else in the form of sex and then decide to turn around and live differently in that area, our slate is wiped clean before God and we can start afresh as ‘spiritual’ virgins. Basically, if you decide from today, for example, to say no to sex outside of marriage, when you finally give yourself to your husband/wife, no, it won’t be any less special.

    Now this is probably the longest comment I'll ever write on my blog, but I must say it is the most worthwhile so far. Thank you.

  8. Hi there, Renny, that's a lot of response. It's also the longest I've gotten to any comment of mine before.

    funny, bloggers' love. I see you've given this a lot of thought and your view is very 'christian' if I can put it that way.

    If you're a virgin, hope you enjoy it. It's not totally fun while at it but it's worth the wait (from the view of giving it as a gift), or(/and) maybe rather, loosing it isn't worth it (from Gods' side of things)... whichever way you see it.

    Thanks for the play list link. I'll probably be lost in a lot of other playlists and eventually settle down for what I want.

    Now on to your other blogs, I'm so going to cyber-stalk your blogspot for a while.

  9. Hello again, yes my response is very 'Christian'; that is because a Christian is what I am. I guess it makes sense that any decisions I make reflect that... But I also know that there are quite a number of non-Christians that believe in waiting, because they don't want to give themselves to any random person that may or may not be there the next day. It makes sense to save sex for someone that is showing you the ultimate commitment of marriage. But once again, I guess this depends on how you view sex.

    So, I agree with your conclusion that being a virgin is worth the wait whichever way you look at it.

    Lastly, cyber-stalk as much as you want!

  10. Renny, i loove you and i loove that you are so bold to stand up for what you believe in! You remind me of myself and my views as this piece is 110% the same way i feel on this issue of virginity! The world has painted the truth in other colors but black and white that people no longer consider morality as a topic of discussion. It is truly disheartening. I wrote a post awhile back on something similar, "Time Changes Yesterday", see link . This expressed my views on how the perception of morality has changed to suit 'the times'..
    Its a sad world we live in.. I'll never stop standing for the truth..

    I believe virginity for Christians should be about keeping a sacred command rather than about 'keeping it' for a special man because that special man is probably catching his groove on right now. lol.. Its all about the Big G, nothing else.

  11. Chinny you won't kill me with laughter (re your last paragraph!) Yes oh, it's so important for us to speak up for what we believe in; like is often said, 'if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything!' Funny enough the world is so messed up that even Christians these days don't talk about these things- as if deciding to 'keep yourself' is some sort of illness! SMBH (shaking my beautiful head!)

  12. I personally think it's the normalities created by the society. Society makes it cool to be promiscuous, being a bad girl or a bad boy. It makes it that much harder to have morals because the people without morals are the coolest.

  13. Yes Amos, I agree with you. I think it is definitely more of an issue when one is still young and still trying to discover oneself and still cares what people think. I'm learning to be confident in who I am, whether people think me cool or not.